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All parents can agree on one thing, parenting is hard!
The constant second guessing ourselves and our decisions – the wondering if we made the right call. How do you know if you are doing enough for your kids? The nagging guilt of yelling or throwing our own – adult sized – temper tantrums. The wondering if we are even appreciated for all the work we put in each day. It can be overwhelming and nauseating to say the least. It can be a serious drain on our entire beings, if we let it!
Day in and day out, we make decisions. Some are based on facts, some come straight from our emotions and many seem to be driven by just going with our gut instincts. We have to filter through so much information and we need to recognize that we are not going to be right 100 % of the time.
When we get beat down or beat ourselves down, our children know.
They feel it just as much as we do. They sense our energy shift. We don’t even need to speak a word. They usually know before we do. That shift can change the whole dynamic in the house. This energy we are giving may even be the direct cause of our children acting out (yikes!)
For me, when I get to this point, I know this is when I am craving solitude. Just being alone with my thoughts. This is when I am overtired or I am at my wits end. I need to cut off as many of the outside forces as possible. I need to refill my energy tank with positive and happy vibrations. When my negativity is present, my house becomes chaotic. When my house is chaotic, my mind is overwhelmed. It is a vicious cycle for me and it is so important for everyone living in my house that I get centered.
In my mind though, my children are my contribution to society and to the world. It is important for me to help develop and shape these kids into productive and positive members of society. With that, it is important for them to learn from my example. If I want positive kids, I must be a positive parent. I must take the time to reflect when I am not in my best place. Knowing that my children feed off my energy gives me the strength and power to find it in myself to give them my best. It nourishes their souls so much more to have me at the top of my game.
So how do you make this shift?
In the moment, when life is upside down and frustration is eating at you. First and foremost you need to recognize your own energy. Understanding yourself and your emotions is top priority. When you hear yourself speaking harshly you must re-adjust. Stop what you are doing, even if it is in the middle of a sentence. Ground yourself, go silent. BREATHE! Remember the old saying, “there is no sense in crying over spilled milk!” Learning to recognize your own emotions is a critical skill, but a skill anyone can learn with time and practice. Let go of your ego for a moment and step down, just back right off.
Once you gain a sense of calm and you are no longer seething with negative emotions, get down on the child’s level. Literally, bring yourself to their eye level. Speak calmly and in a loving tone. And watch. Watch as the entire situation calms with you. As you give your new found calm energy to the situation you will witness an amazing transformation. Everyone in ear shot will shift. It is truly amazing to witness but even more amazing to feel!
This tactic is so simple yet so easy to forget in a moment of anger or frustration. But, when you begin seeing the benefit, it will become easier and it will start to feel more natural. Being patient and calm is a learned and practiced skill. It is not natural to everyone and it may take a lot of time to adjust your mind to a new way of thinking.
You may be asking yourself, Is it worth it to make this change?
Of course! Who doesn’t want a loving, warm and calm home? Positive parenting is so freeing. There is no need to speak harshly to a child. They learn what you teach them through your energy, your words and your body language. As you shift yourself , your emotions, and your energy, you are changing the entire dynamic of the family you have created.
If you yell and scream and carry on like a raving lunatic when your child misbehaves guess what you will get from them in return? That’s right, a mirror image of yourself. Your kids will learn from you that it is okay to speak to people in that way.
On the flip side, if you are calm in your delivery, you will get your point across to them and in turn teach them to approach frustrating life situations in the same manner. Always try to remember, our children are a direct reflection of us, their parents!
This energy shift is not only something to keep in mind when times are tough. Think about when you are in a new situation and you feel nervous or apprehensive. Do you think your children feel that too? This can make or break a situation.
When you kids feel your tension, what do you think their energy is like?
Alternatively, when you are in a new situation and you go forth with a confident vibration your children feel safe and at ease. It is amazing that learning to pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings can play such a huge role in all things parenting!
We would love to hear your own thoughts on positive parenting! Feel free to leave a comment on your own experiences. We would love to learn from you!
Fore more of our thoughts on positive parenting techniques, be sure to check out the following posts:
If you are looking for more help, be sure to check out Positive Parenting Solutions