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Sometimes as a person I get caught up in the rinse and repeat cycle.
Life goes by, day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. A year happens faster than it should. I look around at what I have and I am so grateful for it all. A loving family, great children, a fantastic husband, a handful of great friends, dozens of wonderful acquaintances, an ideal job and a positive parenting style. Unfortunately though, I get caught up in the rinse and repeat blues.
Life seems complete. It is far from perfect but I am fortunate. In fact, I am blessed to have all I do. So why do I sometimes get so cranky about it all? Why do I get so frustrated and irritable with the ones closest to me?
When I finally get a moment to sit and relax I can look deeper at myself and my situation and I can see how I end up feeling miserable some days. There is nothing happening to make me miserable, I just am. I am not depressed or anxious, I am not withdrawn or nervous. I am just feeling the mental drain of being, of existing.
Some days I can look at it all with a sense of wonder.
I see the clean house around me and feel proud of all the work that goes into keeping it that way. I can feel the kids loud laughter to the core of my being. Other days, I look around and see just another mess to clean and I hear the kids yelling in the background and assume they are fighting.
On the days that I feel stressed, I know something has to give. That is when I need a break. There is no desire to do the dishes, make dinner, fold the laundry or to clean up the kids toys to turn around and find all the books all over the floor.
I have no desire to bring in another load of wood. I can’t stomach having to drag myself through the motions of another mundane day where all I do is answer to mama and clean up after everyone. The laundry can wait, the dishes can wait, the plants don’t need to be watered at this moment. I just need to breathe.
Lately, I have been having the rinse and repeat blues.
I have been a little short with my kids and a lot short with my husband. It is not their fault. I put these expectations on myself. Yet, there they are, feeling the stress right along with me, because I put it on them. And that, my friends, is not fair.
The other day, my oldest boy no joke made me cry – happy tears. I had a normal day, a normal busy day. As usual, I had to run errands after I finished working. Dragging my tired self around, barely smiling. I knew a mess awaited me at home and I just didn’t want to deal with it. Deep down, I wanted to go home, put my feet up and just chill.
I rushed through everything because my oldest was at home not feeling well. As I was walking up to the front door, toddler in one hand and three bags of groceries in the other the door opened for me. With the door opening, my afternoon was about to brighten.
The first words were “guess what you don’t have to do?”
I looked around and he proudly announced “CLEAN”. He had done everything I was planning to do. I honestly broke down. Tears just happened. I grabbed him and hugged him so tight and just said , thank you – over and over again. That boy was so proud of himself. I honestly could not believe how quickly the rinse and repeat blues went away. And you know what I did, I sat on the couch, with my feet up and relaxed with two of my kids, the oldest and the youngest. The only thing I needed to do was throw a pork loin in the oven and go back to town for the middle boy and his dad. My boy knew, he knew I needed a break and he gave it to me.
After picking up my middle and my partner in town I recalled the story to them. I told them how happy it made me. We went home, had dinner and relaxed. My husband did the after dinner dishes and put our toddler beast to bed and again, I relaxed a bit with my two boys before they headed to bed.
The very next morning, I am at work and a picture text came in with a note from Wylder on it. “Dear Momma I cleaned the house and brought out clean laundry. 🙂 Love Wylder.” Before he left for the school bus this morning, he took some time and tidied things up for us all. I of course told him how awesome it was to have the help and to have the break from doing the chores. He got a giant hug after school and I made sure to let him know how amazing it made me feel knowing he was being such a big helper.
Seriously my heart is so full.
I am so very proud of the men in my life. Each and every one of them. My mind is so grateful that they are able to recognize what needs to be done. I am so happy they took the time to make me smile and relax. I know they respect our family and I feel so content knowing they are growing up with such kind souls.
Sadly, I am not the only one who gets the rinse and repeat blues. What do you do to get out of them? Does your family sense trouble ahead and help you out of it? Do you have a routine to avoid it getting to that point?
If you would like to read more of our thoughts be sure to check out our post A positive parenting style changes everything.
A blog that I have enjoyed is The Doctor Will See you Now. Be sure to check out the post Parenthood Blues?